I'm feeling better now. I was losing my mind earlier. I don't know what brings it on or what makes it go. Jess commented that it gets worse with age - which is probably true for some people. But I actually used to have attacks like that at least once a week when I was in high school. The most frustrating thing is that there isn't any kind of definitive trigger and so I don't know what to avoid. I still feel a little anxious but not like I was. I wasn't even myself. Now I feel like if the day just goes smoothly I'll survive and tomorrow will be better. Earlier, I was ready to jump out the window (which would have been quite ineffective as I was on the first floor). Anyway. Aislyn is in need of some attention (and some eating!). I forced myself to feed her (she has to eat whether my skin is crawling or not) but I started to feel sick so she didn't get to eat for long. My poor kids. Thank god it's rare for me to get that bad. This is the first time it's been so bad when I've been alone with them though. Not fun.
I think Riley will be spending the night at my mother's on Saturday again. He wants to anyway. I told him he had to ask Daddy. I may have mentioned this already but I got the application for preschool. I'm going to send it in. If he gets in (which I think he will) then he'll go, if he doesn't get in - no big deal. He's been saying he wants to go. He'll grab his Thomas backpack, fill it with things and then say he's going to school. I'm sure the reality of it will be a bit different. The one I'm applying to is within walking distance so even on days where we are carless, it won't be a big deal. It starts in September. Hrm.
Kent wants to go up to his parents' house sometime soon. Chris doesn't have the "okay" from his therapist to be around minors (even in supervised settings) yet so he would have to leave for the day. I feel okay with going up there, knowing that he won't be able to stay. I'm not all that keen on the idea of travelling up there at the moment - we would have to drive up and back in the same day. With two small kids. We could do it.
I'm still feeling somewhat disjointed. Have you ever taken medicine after you've been throwing up? You have that foggy floaty feeling? That's how I feel when my anxiety attacks start to fade away. I'll be better in the morning. It's just. Morning seems so far away.
It was supposed to be sunny yesterday and it rained. It was supposed to be rainy today and while it's not really bright, the sun is out and it's warm.
I almost have Kent talked into buying a new camera. Thanks for everyone who did the camera survey that I posted. (Feel free to still take it!) I was actually considering buying the Kodak C875... but I'm not now. The camera that I have now does NOT have a delay when you snap a photo. Okay, it does but it's less than half a second. So it feels instant. That's why I asked about that. After having a fast camera, it would piss me off to have one with a big delay. I'm impatient.
3:40 pm - 31 May 2007
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
tequilamonky
startafresh
mzbee
jennifergwl
thehour
vicola
starlight42
smedindy
sameoldfears
reassemble
readyorknot
purplesage26
princesse69
poopielocked
poopiebitch
nixtress
mymemry
mozangeles
momma-at-17
mel-is-dvash
marlen816
mamabean
luna-obscura
lowercaseg
lostinmylove
lindzeeleigh
lilpeanut80
lifeasme66
lerin
leebeenz
la-the-sage
krugerpak007
junkmel1
jess1976
jenniam
ishouldcry
hunterpoo
green-kiwis
geek-betty
friedokra
emaciana
elliemay23
eggsaucted
dukkha-tanha
discepati
differntdrum
cutielatina
ctahmase
cosmic
corbel
claritynew
clarity25
childofmine
camham
bubbles11090
boxx9000
bodega
bitterwineuk
babymakes3
arthursmummy
anita-girl
alwaysange
almostnormal
allegedwife
alicesbaby
losingdavid
for-aislyn
for-riley
girlsmad
ashnwesten