I have to get that last entry off my index page. Hrm.
In about 2 hours (a little less) I am going to be sitting in the waiting room of the Dentist - again. My stomach already hurts, I don't want to take Ri in there. At least Kent is going with me this time, he'll hold him down. Maybe I will just stay in the waiting room and I won't even have to deal with any of it. I scanned his x-rays in so now I have copies. (Not that the previous sentence is pertinent in any way at all.)
Oh my. I've just looked up and noticed that I have, in effect, been "tagged" by Kathy to do a guest entry. Now I am nervous about that as well.
In fact, I'm nervous about almost everything right now. Having to take Ri to the dentist. Having to get up early in the morning (like 5am) and go to my M&FIL's. Christmas. Everything. I am a bundle of nerves. That's probably why I've felt nauseous just about 24/7 lately. It's ridiculous. Why do things always pile up like this?
Um. As for the title of my last entry - someone (Amanda?) commented on it - I could smile yesterday. And today. And I will probably laugh. I only grabbed that title - they are song lyrics by Suicidal Tendencies. That's why. Nothing more significant than that.
I was up until 1:30am doing a photo collage for my MIL for Christmas. It's a bunch of photos on The Niece and Riley. It came out pretty well. I'll probably make her an updated one next year which will also have photos of The Nephew. Hard to believe that in a little over a month I'll be an aunt again.
It's even harder to believe that in a month and 3 days I should have been a mother again. Yes, I know. I keep dwelling on it. It's so hard not to. Every 13th of a month I think... I found out I was pregnant __months ago. I found out I lost him __months ago. it sucks. Then on the 19th of every month I think I should be __months along. I'm seriously fucked up right now. This is crazy.
I let things eat away at me. I know that I should be in counselling. I'm thinking about going back to school, maybe just a night class or something. I need to get out of the house a little. I don't know what to do. Honestly. I over analyze and I over worry and I over-everything. I'm a little manic right now, which people probably find odd because it seems more like I'm depressed. I don't know what I even meant by that except. I probably shouldn't even be on here. I should be getting ready to take Riley to the dentist.
Oh and it's supposed to be snowing. It will be soon. This is Maine in December for crying out loud. We should have enough snow that you can't see the grass peeking through. Ugh.
11:34 am - 16 December 2005
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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