Gah. Yesteray was one of the longest, most emotionally tiring days of my life. I woke up, expecting to not do a THING yesterday. I had been up until 2:30am yesterday morning so I didn't get much sleep.
So Riley's mouth has been hurting him again, ever since his trip to the dentist last Tuesday (a week ago today). I noticed that it was looking swollen so I called his dentist yesterday morning. They cleared an appointment out and said I could bring him right in at 10am. (I had called at 9:30am.)
So you can read all about the dentist crap here. But the summary is this: we went to one dentist, spent a miserable 1 and a half hours there, x-ray, another x-ray, found out nothing new, came home for a quick lunch, went to pick up my mother, went to a second dentist and still found out nothing. He has another appointment on Friday and they will probably pull his tooth not long after that. Oh and he's on an antibiotic. They messed his prescription up TWICE and we didn't get home until about 6pm. Not a good day.
But what I really wanted to write about was a smaller portion of the day. Just as I brought Riley home from the FIRST dentist, Kent was getting ready to leave for work. I told him how upset I was about the dentist visit.
I was literally almost throwing up and I was having an anxiety attack. Holding your kid down while some stranger props his mouth open with a dangerous-looking metal contraption. Seeing him cry and scream for you to help while you assist these "monsters" with their "torture" was not easy. I felt miserable and I wanted him to comfort me. I said that I wished he had gone with me to help.
Instead he said, "Well excuse me if I have a job." WHAT THE FUCK? Like I don't?? Besides, while I took Riley to his FIRST dentist appointment, he was here playing fucking video games. Job my ass.
I was so pissed. I said, "All I want is some support, is that too much to ask?" He only replies, "Well, this is part of having kids." Apparently not for everyone. He didn't have to listen to Riley's screaming and pitiful pleas, "Mama heeeeeeeeeeep me! I wanna go hooooooooome, pweeeeeeeeeaase Mama pweeease! Heep heeeeeep!" So I told him to go to his job then. If he can't even say, "I'm sorry you went through that, I should have gone," or even "He's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." But no he says he has a JOB and that it's all part of HAVING KIDS.
I know this all might seem a bit irrational and I'm sure some people are thinking something along the lines of "Well, Kent's kind of right. It is all a part of having kids." BUT the thing is, I already know that. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge my feelings and try to comfort me. Instead he let his own guilt (and yes, I fully believe that) downplay my need for emotional support.
It isn't very often (despite what it seems like here) that I let my feelings get the best of me. It's even more rare that I actually SHARE the fact that my emotions are wearing me down. I don't like to be a burden to anyone, especially Kent. But is a little understanding too much to ask?
Well, after he left for work (without even saying goodbye to me), I was so pissed. But I couldn't let it get to me, I had to put on a happy face and take Riley to yet ANOTHER appointment where he would cry and scream and plead for help. I hate this shit.
So I called my mother and basically begged her to take the afternoon off work and she did. I didn't even know where the office of the second dentist (actually an oral surgeon) was but my mother had been there before so she did. It was much better not having to go alone.
After that appointment (which wasn't quite as bad as the first one because they didn't take x-rays) we stopped to see Kent at work for a little bit. He looked a little surprised to see me. Before he really said anything I told him, "Riley has another appointment on Friday and you ARE going. I cannot hold him down again. I just can't." He said that of course he would and that was the end of it.
When he got home from work last night he brought a big (huge, even) decorated chocolate chip cookie that showed a picture of a sad tooth with "I'm Sorry" written on it. He is not a bad guy, really. And I don't think that he is but sometimes he hurts my feelings, dammit.
I guess he spoke with 2 of his coworkers about it and the male took his side while the female took mine. Is this a gender thing? I mean, I don't really think Kent was WRONG exactly, I just think he was taking what I said and not really hearing me.
That's what we fight about the most - him not hearing me. I will remind him of something and he is FOREVER telling me "You never said that!" Yeah, okay, whatever. It's "in one ear, out the other" with him on a regular basis. Good man, good intentions, yeah yeah yeah. It's still frustrating at any rate.
Oh and because Riley has an appointment on Friday, our trip to the in-laws' has to be cut short. Hahahaha. So we're going up Saturday morning instead but still coming home Sunday evening. Aww, that's too bad. Actually, if they didn't have 3 stupid ass doggies (no offense to people who love dogs but they kill me, almost literally) then I wouldn't mind being up there at all. I actually love the town and would like to live there someday. Aah well.
10:54 am - 13 December 2005
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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