So I just finally got my photo diary (the 365 days one) updated. I hadn't realized just how far (12 days!) I was behind. Oh well, it's updated now.
Kent has to work late tonight. He sort of promised me when he got the promotion that he wouldn't have to do that any more. But obviously, he was wrong. He won't be getting home until 8:30. Which means that basically, he left just after the kids got up this morning and he'll get home after I've got them all tucked into bed. Which is, I think, probably how he likes it anyway. I'm sad and bitter and a bit lonely today. Hrm. It doesn't help that it's raining. After it snowed again last night. Would it KILL the weather gods to give us a little sunshine? I mean, really? It could rain, even. Or snow. If only the sun would shine while it did. The weather affects my mood almost as much as Kent does.
I know, I know. I can't control what other people do. Only how I choose to react to it. I went to therapy too, people. Blah.
Riley is potty trained during the day. Have I mentioned that? Of course, he still won't POOP. He does that nearly every night in his sleep. Regardless of whether or not he's wearing a pull-up. However, he stays 100% dry through his naps and Kent (who is now sleeping on the extra bed in Riley's room - long story, don't ask) is the one who deals with the nighttime issues so I don't much care. Whatever, right?
My life is going well, really. When I think about it in logical ways. From the outside it must look pretty darn perfect. From the inside (from inside me, anyway) it's not the best. I think I may be one of those people who is just destined to be unhappy. Maybe I'm happier when I'm unhappy? I don't know.
My stupid ass brother-in-law has taken over my in-laws' house completely. Riley wanted to call Kent's mum today but I wouldn't let him. I just - urgh. I don't want Riley even talking to him on the phone. I want Chris to just not exist. Kent told me yesterday, "If Riley turned out like that, you'd treat him just like my mother is treating Chris." But I don't think that's true. Some things are unforgivable. That's one of them. Yes, I'd blame myself. And yes, I'd still love Riley. But I would not choose Riley over my other kids and/or my innocent grandchildren. And I certainly would NOT defend his actions. Maybe I would. I'm not in that position and I really doubt that I ever will be. I hope I'm not anyway.
Being a mother is a lot different from being a father, I know. I notice small differences all the time.
I'm not depressed. I'm not. I'm tired and sad and a little bit cold. But I'm not depressed. And please don't say you're sorry or you feel bad for me. Things are good. Really.
12:54 pm - 16 April 2007
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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