The past 8 days have been hell for me. Thanks, everyone, for leaving notes and comments. It's nice to feel like people care about you. Even when they live thousands of miles away. You know?
So I ended up calling back and demanding to talk to Kent. In my "nice" voice even though I felt like calling her the nastiest names I could think of. I started to cry when I called that time so she got Kent right on the phone. He was home in 10 minutes (it usually takes him about 20) and we went to the ER.
The ER was uneventful. I saw a guy from highschool in there with his girlfriend and kid. I didn't talk to him. I didn't feel like socializing, you know? So we got there at 4:30 and were out by a little after 7. Which is quick considering the ER was packed, some people were standing. One woman passed out and was having a seizure type thing. Poor lady. That got her pushed to the front of the line, as you can imagine. There was also Head Injury Man. He came in (walking at first!!) with a bloodstained towel on his head. I tried to block Ri from seeing that but he's too damn nosy. Probably thought it was kool-aid anyway. Sheesh. There were a few other interesting characters but I was talking about me here, wasn't I?
Basically what they told me was "I ain't sayin' yup and I ain't sayin' nope. All I'm sayin' is mebbe." Which sucks hairy ass monkeys but what can you do? Bleeding, cramping - signs of miscarriage. Or a normal period. I'm starting to think my biology teacher knew nothing about female biology because he said there was no way at all that a woman could have a period when she was pregnant. He said there could be implantation bleeding, but no period. Umm yeah. That's why about 5 doctors have said that to me now. Whatever.
So they drew some blood and I have to call back. They will be comparing some previous hcg numbers against the new ones tonight. I have to call back at 11pm. It's okay, I'll be up. I don't sleep for shit anymore anyway. Christ. It boils down to this: the numbers go up, that's good - if the numbers go down, I'm going to lose my baby. In less than 2 hours I might be on the phone with a woman I barely know telling me that my baby is going to die. And there's nothing I can do about it.
How's that for comfort?
9:14 pm - 13 June 2005
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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