Yesterday I watched Riley "helping" my grandfather. They were both kneeling down on the ground at the base of a small apple tree, pounding in fertilizer stakes. It was pretty sweet to watch. It did make me sad though. I can remember doing so many things with my grandfather - he used to take me out on the sailboat, he'd thumb wrestle with me (and sometimes even let me win!), he taught me how to fish (catch and release, of course - although now I can't even bear to do that, it seems so mean!). He's getting older (though he'd never admit it) and I wonder how many more times Riley will get to be his little helper.
My father is dead and Kent's father is... blah. I don't know. So Riley's never going to have the same kind of grampa/grandchild relationship that I got with my grandfather. (Hank - my mom's dad - is a great big abusive asshole.) It's just sad.
My grandmother upset me yesterday, though. We were up there and Riley and Kent were in the livingroom. Then Ri started kind of screeching and I went in, he and Kent were just playing. Kent was actually pretending to sit on him and Riley was screeching, pretending to be upset (but smiling). From the other room I heard my grandmother call Riley awful. If I heard it, then Riley heard it. It made me so angry! I don't care who you are, or even if it's true (which it's not), you have NO right to call MY son awful. So I went in and simply said, "He's not being awful, Kent's just teasing him." My grandmother didn't say anything but when we left MY MOTHER did. She said, "Jenn, that's just the way Gram is." I got so mad at my mother. Being a certain way can't be an excuse for everything a person says/does. So if I'm just the way I am, and part of that is that I call everyone an asshole, does that make it okay? DOUBTFUL. Then my mother upset me further by telling my aunt what happened, when she thought I couldn't hear her. She repeated what I said but she changed the tone in it, so it sounded like I was being a bratty bitch to my grandmother. Which is NOT the case. So I shouted, "That is not how I said it!" My mother makes me feel like a little kid sometimes, chastising me... making me feel small. I am starting to hate going over there.
Also, I just noticed this morning that the nutritionist got Aislyn's name wrong on her paperwork. Kent's last name is Reardon. Riley's last name is Reardon. My last name is Sylvester-Reardon. So what on earth makes them think Aishy's last name is Sylvester? Why would I give my child my maiden name when it's not even the name that any of us go by? I'm not sure why it makes me so angry - it's probably an honest mistake. But it's so irritating. You trust the people - professionals - and yes, they are human. But if they make such simple mistakes then what else are they screwing up? You know? I'm just angry today.
Some pictures:
Growing a sunflower.
Being a sunflower.
Wilting sunflower.
Aislyn and Narcissus, my aunt's dog.
9:08 am - 28 May 2007
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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