I bought some online. Gentian violet, I mean. Stupid stupid thrush. I just cannot get it to go away. It comes in waves where it will get a little better for awhile and then WHAM it's worse again. Tonight I was in so much pain that I almost cried. I have a pretty high threshold for pain. For me to be hurting so much (physically) that it makes my eyes water, that's a big deal. My doctor is an ASS. She keeps telling me, "It will get better, balance out." What. the. hell?! It's been 3 months of this up and down crap and there hasn't been one day where it was completely gone. Yes, there are times when it doesn't hurt but still. It should be gone. There are medications out there that work QUICKLY. I need a doctor who listens and tries to help. Unfortunately, our insurance requires you to jump through flaming hoops while singing the Argentinian national anthem if you want to switch doctors. It sucks.
So the gentian violet appears to be my last hope. (You know, I originally typed "gentle violent" just now - which I find kind of funny so I had to mention it.) Maybe I'm being a little dramatic but if your nipples were so and yet you HAD to let a teething infant chomp on them for hours out of every day - well, you'd be whining too. Humph. And I know that some people will say that I should just give her formula, that I don't HAVE to nurse. But for me, there isn't a choice really. I can't even describe how horrible it would be for me to give up nursing. So, even if it hurts like a sonofabitch for the next 8 months or so (probably longer) - I'm going to keep nursing her. Maybe I'm a masochist. Probably I am.
Okay, let's not go down that road right now. So, I have my account on flickr. And lately for my 365 project I've been doing a lot of feet shots. Which is weird for me because I hate my feet. I really really REALLY hate my feet. Until recently, the only people in my life to actually see my bare feet were my boyfriends! And then only in the dark. Until I met Kent. Because that man has truly funky looking toes and he doesn't care what anyone thinks. So I lightened up a little. ANYWAY. Today I got flickrmail, which is weird in and of itself. But then this was the message:
From: photo_graphyThat is copy/pasted, word for word, typo for typo. I'm not sure how to take it. I'm sure it was intended as a compliment but it really makes me want to take all my feet photos down!! People 'favorite' the pictures of my feet a lot and it's always someone who (when I look at their page) has a foot fetish. It's just... creepy. But whatever. It's one thing to favorite a photo and another to flickrmail someone. You know? Now I feel really embarrassed.
Subject: hey
i get turned on when i see your feet, they are really pretty! i know that is weird but just wanted to ttell yothat you have pretty feet
Okay, I still need to write in the kids' journals so I should go. Riley is spending the night (at his request) at my mother's again tomorrow. It makes me so sad!
10:13 pm - 01 June 2007
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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