Riley's supposed to spend the night at my mother's on Saturday. He wants to go. She wants him to go. Even Kent wants him to go. I don't. I thought I was okay with it but the closer it gets to Saturday, the more anxious I get about it. I get a tight feeling in my chest. I just can't imagine not being there when he goes to sleep. To tuck him in, to tell him a story, to ask him what his favorite part of the day was. I mean, I had to leave him when I had Aislyn, I didn't have a choice. But that was different, Kent came home and tucked him into bed and everything. I just. I feel like a crazy lady. I mean, he's 3 and a half years old! I need to let go. Right? I should, yeah? I don't want to tell him that he can't go. I'm feeling all sad inside, wondering how in the world he could have grown so much in what seems like such a short time. I can remember so easily what it was like when he was Aislyn's age. I want to keep him small and with me forever. Separation anxiety is worse when you're a parent. With every little tiny step he takes toward adulthood, my heart rips just a tiny bit more. I'm such a freaking sap. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
10:16 pm - 19 April 2007
Recent entries:
long december - 30 December 2010
more proof that monkey really is my kid - 16 December 2010
to add or not to add - 10 December 2010
new entries - 06 December 2010
what makes me a bad mother - 17 November 2010
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